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On top of all of that, I swear to fuck I think I just broke my foot.

It’s swollen as shit and I can’t move two of my toes at all.

I wasn’t sure I could possibly feel worse, and then something even worse happens. I wish I could make shit like this up.

This is just my personal feelings

So don’t try and get pissed at me for feeling this way. I need to vent and this is the best/only way.

I’m so beyond frustrated and so bitter. All I wanted was to really succeed at BFing this time around and everyday is just a giant slap in the face. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m going to break down. I can’t let my child cry, he’s obviously not doing well and not gaining weight so I have to supplement him. That’s just how it has to be, and I’m having a hard time accepting it, but I am doing better.

I’m pumping as often as I can. With him attached to me all the time, and constantly needing to be bounced or held (he doesn’t like his swing, bouncer, lounger, any of it) and nobody helping me for more than 3 minutes (so a bathroom trip or to wash a dirty diaper) it makes it incredibly hard.

He seems so miserable and he’s only happy in my room in the dark. He can only stand being anywhere else for 20 mins and then starts screaming.

I can’t even spend a lot of time with my daughter because she’s terrified of my pump and runs and cries when its on. When I do get to spend time with her it fucking sucks because all I want to do is cuddle her and I constantly have a fussy, irritable baby who needs me. I’m not bitter towards him, I know he can’t help it. I just feel like I could have more help. I don’t even get to shower hardly ever unless I bring the bouncer in the bathroom AND he’s having a good day AND we skip our only time to nap when autumn is napping.

I just want to know why my body is doing this to me. I’ve done everything I need to, to be successful at BFing this time around and I’m stuck in this downward spiral again. I just want to do what’s best for my baby without it consuming my entire day.

I am so depressed because I can’t win at anything. I feel like I’m falling apart and I’m just some shell of a person who isn’t allowed to have basic human needs.

I love my babies and I would do absolutely any and everything for them, and I do every single day but I feel like its drowning me because nobody else gives a shit about it, or me. I feel like everything I do goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

I just wish I could have a break for one day. Just one day all by myself, but I can’t even do that.

It’s not fair. I just wish life would stop sucking long enough for me to get my shit together and be somewhat content again.

I’m nursing little dude and he’s got his eyes open. Every time I look down at him, he closes his eyes and peeks at me every so often until I look away. Today he’s been much better, thankfully. The doctor wants to hear from us tomorrow and I plan to talk to her about a couple concerns still.

He’s started taking his bottle, its bittersweet. I’m glad he’s a bit more calm, with a full belly, even if I can’t supply him with that right now. I did get a fancy double pump since my single one was pretty weak and a couple years old. I’ve only got a chance to use it once but its a lot better, hopefully along with everything else we’ll notice a difference.

Aside from that, not a whole lot has been going in. Just trying to see what we need to keep the little guy healthy and happy. Some more naps would be nice, but I know that one may be far out of reach.

I can’t wait until I have time to do things without a baby attached to me, but I’m savoring every minute while I can. Autumn is proof that babies can grow up in lightening speed, especially when things are a bit chaotic.

Day 3 of baby digestion drama.

After three days of being exposed to formula, he took 2 oz and fell asleep after being burped. He seemed content, then about 40 mins into his nap, he wakes up and pukes all of it up. Chokes. Pukes again. He whimpered and cried and refused to be held anyway but upright.

Took about 20-30 mins to get him back to sleep and he only napped for a couple minutes. I gave him a bath and called his doctor to see if she has any suggestions. I haven’t gotten a call back yet. He’s napping again now after being breastfed again and if she doesn’t call soon/symptoms don’t go away, I plan to make a trip down here.

His stomach has been gurgling nonstop. He was coughing and flexing his stomach. He was whining, not fussing, like he was in pain.

His stomach gurgles when he takes a bottle even if its a couple sips.

Does this sound like an allergy to the formula? I know he’s having issues gaining weight, but I’m working on upping my supply. I’m wondering if I should stop giving him formula completely even though he’s only getting a bottle or two a day, and each bottle is 2-4 oz

Little dude fell asleep at 12 then woke up at 1 and now 3.

He’s not letting me sleep at all. He is nursing like garbage and on top of it its like I’m literally drying up over night. Night time is usually the easiest time for him to nurse and its like its like he’s never done it.

I seriously just want to cry.

I’ve never been so frustrated in my entire life.

How and why is this happening, its not fair at all.

It all boils down to this.

yeahmicah:

Most people won’t admit it, or don’t even realize it, but

caring for people takes energy out of you.

Investing your time and attention making sure somebody knows

that you love them and that you want to ensure their well-being can drain you:

• mentally
• emotionally
• spiritually
• even physically.

Love people, but take care of yourself.

Don’t burn yourself out.